Quite a few things have changed around the house in the past eight months. While having a child was always in our plans, we didn’t realize how much it would impact our lives. We’ve now been together for about eight years, three of those years happily married and eight months with a new member. Of course, things are a bit different: we don’t always have time to take naps together, or take time alone to do things freely, but we’ve definitely realized that it is possible with a little more planning. Many have asked us how we’ve managed to still take time alone together and whether our relationship has changed. To be honest, of course its changed, but not by much and we’ve learned to make things work for us. The first few months were the most difficult but things do change! Hang in there mamas! In celebrating three years of marriage, and in particular marriage after baby, I’m sharing some tips for those thinking of having a child, expecting or even have a little family of your own and keeping that relationship as good as gold.
[ If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! ]
Let me explain this. If even with baby, some things still work for you and your partner, there’s no need for any change! For instance, we always had a rule of no electronics at dinner. There are days when we don’t eat at the same time now, but when we do, we will never have phones or the tv on. We make an effort to talk to each other because often times this is the only time we have to really talk about anything without distractions! Besides, I often feel like it’s my only time to talk to an adult all day!
[ Build your village ]
First off, yes it really does take a village to raise a child. I have experienced this first hand and have my sanity because of it. Of course your partner should be part of that village, but you can build it up with grandparents, siblings and with trusted friends. For us, we have been blessed to have Miles’ grandparents become very involved in raising Miles and always feel very comfortable leaving him with them for the day. This has given us the opportunity to spend time alone together and even enjoy the day without baby at the spa to celebrate our anniversary (post coming soon). Take advantage when help is offered in this way because not only is it healthy for your relationship but it also teaches your baby that time away from mommy and daddy is okay. For Roy and I, it allows for us to recharge not only as parents but I’ve found myself to be a bit more gentle on my spouse instead of losing my cool when there’s a baby crying in an otherwise calm situation.
[ Find time AWAY from one another ]
As much as it’s important to spend time with one another it’s equally as important to find time for yourself. You can’t love someone if you really don’t care of yourself. You don’t necessarily have to spend this time alone at the gym or at yoga, but you can go out for a coffee or mocktail with girlfriends because let’s be real, there’s just some things that your partner will never understand! Sometimes women just like to talk about reality shows (guilty), and gossip and that’s okay!
[ Find time FOR one another ]
Honestly speaking, when it comes down to it, it’s about scheduling. Our lives will eventually get even busier as Miles starts getting older and having a schedule full of lessons, practices and playdates. It ain’t a bad idea to schedule time for the romance because if you don’t, months might go by without you even knowing it. I can say we were definitely guilty of this too but once you get into the norm of things, you don’t forget the romance!
[ Communicate ]
This one really seems like a no brainer but sometimes its the simple things that seem the hardest. As a new mom, there were times that I just wished he knew that dinner wasn’t going to be ready tonight or that I’m tired AF because Miles decided he wasn’t going to nap properly ALL day or sleep through the night. The main thing I’ve learned in our relationship is that if we don’t communicate things to one another, we will never know how we need to support each on a daily basis. Our needs might change from one day to another. At first, I’d feel guilty asking for help when he’d be home from work but now, I will ask for it if need be because it doesn’t hurt to ask!
Simply put, don’t forget the reason why your little one came into existence. It started with romance and love and your little one is proof of it! Relationships and love isn’t always perfect and it may never be, but it can be close to it with some effort! And to my hubby, to many more years of memories and happiness baby daddy, happy three!
Outfit Details – Hers | Hat: Ralph Lauren at The Hudson’s Bay | Dress: Zara (striped and white – similar here) | Shoes: Oak and Fort | Necklace: Maya Brenner | Earrings: Mejuri | Hair: Fiorio Square One
His | Shorts: Mister Freedom | T-shirt: Pure Blue Japan | Shirt: Sun Surf
Photography | Janet Kwan
